This week I have been paying a lot of attention to my version of power games. Primarily how I attempt to regain a sense of power and agency in my life when forces outside of me feel out of control and downright scary.
And I think we would all be lying if we didn’t admit to feeling somewhat out of control right now in the world!
I have noticed on multiple occasions the temptation to manipulate people and situations to fit the outcome I desire. Especially when I perceive that things are not flowing according to my inner plan and feel out of my control.
Right now I am feeling emotionally carved open.
Several things in my life are converging to orchestrate a complete melting and restorying of my purpose, identity and future path. Rather than being disorientated, I learned many years ago to surrender to this process of metamorphosis. It is a natural part of living on a constantly evolving planet, in a constantly evolving Universe. The quicker I let go of human control, the more ease and insight the transformation brings.
I have recently discovered that I am a master of deception. Self–deception primarily.
I finally realized this about myself after waking up for the 100th night in a row, wracked with anxiety and stress from multiple known and unknown sources that I have become incredibly skilled at ignoring my emotions.