At this time of year, many of us who were brought up around the Cristian tradition are very familiar with the symbol of Christ surrendered on the cross.


Crucifixion, an agonising thought for many of us, has started to change shape, form and meaning for me in these last few years.

In Spring 2019, before the pandemic began, I had an intuitive reading with the friend of mine. She said that she saw me crucified on a cross of my own making.


For the longest time this confused me.


Why would I willingly go through a deeply painful process like this – physical or metaphysical?


Why would I submit to a slow, painful, death that insinuated punishment?


I meditated on this for months.

In lockdown, I walked the Wiltshire land where I was living at the time, asking for clarification.


I received none.


Then things started to uproot and change in my life.


My husband left to begin a new job in Malaysia.


We decided to sell the home in Avebury that we had lived in for almost 10 years.


My work with Equinox (link) ramped up beyond belief and consumed my attention almost completely.


And I began to study alchemy with my soul brother.


Things changed all around me.

My life as I had known it, started to dissolve in almost every way imaginable.

I felt as though I was in the eye of a storm that was becoming tempest around me.


And even though some days, I felt like a leaf tossed on the wind, most of the time I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I had chosen this upheaval.


You see, I always do.


Choose it that is.


For me change is the breath if life itself.


I cannot bear stagnation.


Truly can any of us?


Let us return to alchemy for a moment.

The principle of physical & spiritual alchemy is transformation.

Not just from crude matter to refined.

But from one form of restricted consciousness to an expanded one.


So, when you begin studying alchemy, everything in your life can and must change.

Death becomes a mechanism for greater and greater levels of life.


The individual transforms into the collective and back again multiple times.

And in doing so, obtains greater and greater knowledge of self and other.


Now this all may sound obtuse and not relevant, but you see, it is.

It is relevant to us all.


The world around us functions and evolves using the principles of alchemy.

Universal law is one of constant change and transformation.


Perhaps we could eve say that life is alchemy.


Those of us who crave consistency and security based in tradition will still be subject to the forces of alchemical transfiguration.


No matter how much we resist change, it catches us eventually anyway.

There really is no hiding from the path you chose.


Crucifixion is just one conscious mechanism where we surrender to the greater forces of alchemy.


We hang ourselves on the cross of the life we deeply wish to live and submit everything that needs to die and transform to the process of inner and outer change.


Unless we are willing to do so, we will never achieve the life we dream of living.

Personally, and collectively.


So, my life right now is one of conscious crucifixion.

I hang on a cross of my own making every day.

And each morning I awaken somewhat transformed.

Loosened from the old ‘me’ that is dying to be reborn.


Perhaps this was one of the examples that Christ was leaving for us when he went through this process?

We can all choose crucifixion on the cross of our destiny.

No one can force us to do so.


It will come to us all in time.


The only question is when you will choose it.



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