I have long been away from my writing.
A process of metamorphosis has been underway.
And now as my new wings dry having emerged from a chrysalis, I bring to you a very different kind of story.
One that is coming from a place way beyond the ‘me’ that many of you have come to know.
At this time of year, many of us who were brought up around the Cristian tradition are very familiar with the symbol of Christ surrendered on the cross.
Crucifixion, an agonising thought for many of us, has started to change shape, form and meaning for me in these last few years.
The ‘opening of the mouth’ ceremony is an ancient Egyptian death rite.
At least, that’s the accepted story.
It is of course far more nuanced and complex than this.
The times we are all living in require radical courage.
Coupled with humble discernment.
In a world where ‘truth’ has become subjective and story distorted on every level, we are asked to disconnect from all sources that would confuse and distract us from what is important.
When you roll the word ‘truth’ around in your head, what does it mean to you?
Where does ‘truth’ reside in your experience of the world?
Is truth something that you receive from ‘trusted’ outside sources, experts, or research.
Or is it something that you find deep inside of your own experience?
Or perhaps both?
How many times must we be reborn in one life?
Over a decade ago when I was stood at the brink of a cliff that would see my whole life transform from the outside-in, I would have told you that this kind of ‘dark night of the soul’ rebirth only comes rarely.
Perhaps known as a ‘midlife crisis’ or an ‘empty-nester meltdown’, we are taught that these major life transitions only come once in a while. Perhaps 2-3 times if we live that long.
Yet these days when ‘black swan’ events seem to happen every other week, I appear to be restorying my narrative.
The world is constantly in motion.
Thus, things are always changing.
Transformation is constant and never ending.
The alchemical principle of vibration tells us that nothing ever rests and that everything is in a cycle of change and transformation.
“Nothing rests; everything moves; everything vibrates.”
The great Third Hermetic Principle–the Principle of Vibration–embodies the truth that motion is manifest in everything in the Universe–that nothing is at rest–that everything moves, vibrates, and circles.
Ever since I was a little girl that word has made me buck like a wild horse and gallop away from the thing that was asking for me to stay as fast as I could.
For me, commitment seemed very final.
Like a trap that radically reduced my options as soon as it was in place.
I would gallop away from jobs, from homes, from relationships.
From anything that seemed to place a bridal on my ability to move away at speed when I needed to.
Or perhaps ‘need’ is the wrong word here in this context.
‘Want’ would have been better.
Have you ever heard the phrase “there is never a careless word uttered”?
Well, I was brought up in a family that fed me on a diet of Greek, Egyptian and Native American mythology from age 2 onwards, so was very aware of the power that words must create when spoken with conviction.
In many of these ancient stories, the hero or heroine would seek out, learn, and utter words of power that would literally have the ability to change the world.
The mountain is silent this morning.
A soft ‘kiss’ of snow is falling outside, covering the land in an icy, moist white shawl.
It’s a delicate snow – like fine silk caressing the skin of the Earth.
Like frozen mist.
And this watery kiss is most needed in Colorado.
A short distance down the mountain, wildfires are blazing. The Winter season has been unusually dry and warm, leaving the land parched and prone to combust at the slightest spark.
It strikes me that this situation is an apt environmental mirror for the stressed being experienced in the social ecosystem too. Indeed, the two are inextricably linked.
Today is New Year’s Eve and we are approaching the end of 2021.
A year in which we were put to the test in terms of how we chose to respond and restory the challenges that unfolded around us at every level.
It was a relentless year where it seemed at times as though we would never get a break from the external pressure. Of course, this fed the internal pressures we experienced, and it became less about ‘what’ was happening out there and more about ‘how’ we each responded to it that mattered.
I don’t know anyone this year who has not yet been touched by the fires of fear and anger.
Nor by the sense of swirling confusion and anxiety that wild water brings.
I certainly was.
But there were times when I was able to lift above the seeming battlefield of my life and get a glimpse of a bigger pattern at play. Rare times when I would find peace and relax into a knowing that there was a bigger story playing out on the Earth.
The story of evolution?
A friend reminded me this morning that the last European Renaissance was birthed amid a pandemic.
That made me smile.
As I have said many times, humans appear to need extreme pressure to evolve and transform.
Unless our home is burning down, we find multiple excuses to continue with the status quo and make uncomfortable and outgrown situations habitable.
Unless we are at risk of being swept away in the flood of chaos, we rarely stop to consider how our personal and collective choices are fuelling our crisis.
So, on this eve of a new year, it seemed a good time to stop and contemplate how I was responding to my internal fire and water after the outer world reminded me of the power of these elemental forces.
As I reflect on 2021, there have been many times when I allowed myself to be consumed by the flames of my fears and downed in anxiety and depression of situations that seemed to be so far out of my control.
I burned for many nights, waking up in the darkness to the noise of my own fear stories.
I dissolved into the hopelessness of a world that appeared to be unfolding in sharp contrast to the beauty and unity I was aspiring to and dreaming of.
And yet, I also rose to the elevated states of fire and water.
I set fire to my fears, releasing them so I could feel elation and the warmth of an open, compassionate heart.
I released my expectations and drifted with the flow of my life, allowing myself to love, to feel and to embrace whatever and whoever showed up in my life.
I entered again and again into trust that there is an ancient more than human story playing out across our world and that we each have a vital role to play in its unfolding.
More than all of that, I surrendered completely into love.
Love of myself, my friends, my family, and my beloved.
Love of my work, my calling, and my destiny.
2022 when added together comes to 6 (2+2+2).
In numerology 6 is the number of love, community and responsibility.
The 6th card in any traditional tarot deck is The Lovers – it represents the internal marriage between polarities and opposites. Between masculine and feminine. Between light and dark.
My mother who is a skilled numerologist will tell you that the elements associated with 6 are fire and water. The union of opposites and the fusion of two different elements into a third mystical state.
There is much to say on this and if you are intrigued, you can find out more here (https://www.beyond-reach.co.uk/numerology).
I believe that we are all being invited to enter 2022 with the hearts cracked open to love and the sacred responsibility that comes with this.
To embrace seeming opposites and fuse polarities such as bad/good, light/dark, male/female within ourselves so that we can find unity and harmony in the outer world.
As within, so without as the ancient alchemists always say.
2022 is a year where we get to harness the power of fire and water in our lives and choose to embrace their higher transformative aspects.
So, I sit here on the mountain, watching the snow.
Being grateful for all I am and all that I have experienced.
And trusting that a new and love filled story is about to unfold.
Because I am surrendered to it.
Blessings on your New Year my friends.
May we all have wonderful adventures together as we move into the year of love in 2022.
Rest in my arm’s dear child
Rest in love for that is the language of Nature
That is the language of the Cosmos
Love is the deep language beyond all words
Beyond all form
And yet embedded in every form
For peace is the nature of love
Without peace we cannot hear love’s words
Its subtle essences and commands
Peace is the very thing the human world has been created to despise
For as long as I have been alive, I have felt ‘bigger’ than my body.
For as long as I have walked this Earth, I have known that I AM infinite.
For as long as life has existed, I have been a part of all that is.
For we are not just human.
We are divine.
We are a part of every molecule in existence.
And every atom that is yet to be.
There are times when we burn.
We make outer fires warm us. To feed us. To nurture us.
We make inner fires to transform us.
To heal us. And to clear old, stagnant energy systems.
When we make inner fire, we enter the flames to heal.
To whole. To resurrect. To renew.
And there are many kinds of fire.
The darkness gathers
We breathe into the oncoming sleep
The life currents are slowing
We are asked to weep
Not for grief you understand
But to let everything go
We cannot take the past with us
All the old stories must go
The cosmic void awaits
Our courageous leap
Our souls in her hands
The great mother keeps
For the time to begin anew
No fear can exist
When we live as if we are one
The days of everything working out according to our plans appear to be over.
The times we are living in are defined by what my friends in the sustainability world would describe as VUCA.
Just when we think we might be able to see a clear way ahead, it feels as if the Universe then comes and drop kicks that ‘plan’ into oblivion and we are left once again in the void of not knowing.
The light is fading.
As we approach the time of deep Winter in the Northern hemisphere, we are cocooned in darkness.
But darkness is not what we once thought it was.
As a new perspective on life emerges between us in these times of challenge where seeming polarities are fusing.
We are starting to see that what we once defined as ‘bad’ or ‘good’, ‘light’ or ‘dark’ are simply two sides of the same coin.
We cannot separate things as we once did.
This is the gift of chaos.
Radical rebellion in times of massive social transformation is often unseen.
It stems from subtle actions that form the fabric of a new way of being.
It goes without saying that we have been living through intense times of stress and change.
Yet humans have always needed this pressure to force evolution.
This week I offer a prayer that flows from the heart of the waters of our planet.
I offer a prayer in honour of the water that flows through our human bodies as blood.
I offer a prayer to the element of flow that facilitates evolution in our Universe.
I offer a prayer to the waters of life
When was the last time you had a ‘private’ conversation with yourself?
You know – the secret ones that you would never wish to share with anyone else.
The ones where you stand naked in front of your inner mirror and admit all the things that you think inside but deny even to yourself?
These are the dialogues that change your world.
Life itself is a spiral.
One that we dance around again and again.
The same lessons romance us into relatedness with the elements of transformation that appear in the form of people, places, projects, dreams.
All so that we can experience our inner worlds reflected in the outer mirror.
The Earth School.
Life as the curriculum.
If you were to take a guess for a moment of how much of your life story (and therefore experiences) were created by your mind, what would you say?
Trick here – it’s your mind that will give you the first answer.
Take a deep breath.
In fact, take as many as you need to relax (this may take a lot longer than you would expect).
Now ask that question again and this time notice how you feel.
In times of massive transition, I have come to recognise the voice of my body as an integral guide.
It is a voice we often ignore or drown out in distraction.
It speaks in feelings, dis-comfort, dis-ease and erratic sleeping patterns.
It also tells us when we are ‘on track’ by manifesting synchronicity, joy and miracles.
The voice of my body is ancient and carries within it the wisdom and lessons of my ancestors.
It carries in its DNA and cell’s the potential of my future ones.
My body is an incredible instrument of divine will.